Back Alley Drama

Our back alley is a highway of drama and entertainment.

We have the usual shopping cart pushers, who rumble past every twenty minutes in their endless search for cans, an occurrence most Vancouverites have just accepted as a quirky byproduct of living in this city.

Usually these people aren't very entertaining, just audible, but one man in particular has a tendency to rant at the top of his lungs about everything and nothing. The world just pisses him off and he feels the need to constantly send his furious indignation out into the universe. I have bequeathed him the creative and witty nickname "Angry Bum" and enjoy listening to his tirades.

Once an entire pack of raccoons singled out one of its members and had a full out rumble the likes of which have not been seen since "The Outsiders", right outside my window. It was one of the more astounding events I've seen in this city because really, what the hell are eight raccoons doing fighting in an alley in the middle of a giant city?

Finally there are several individuals who live in the surrounding buildings who think their conversations in the alley are actually held in the Cone of Silence.

News flash, morons! Everyone and their deaf dog can hear you!

Last night the trashiest couple in the world had a humdinger of a lovers quarrel...and I heard every word.

In the heat of their drunken quarrel they both forgot their keys, thus locking them out in the alley where they proceeded to verbally abuse each other for an hour and a half.

Part of me thought that I should just go let them inside, but aside from not wanting to get involved and possibly beaten within an inch of my life, this is free entertainment! Who needs trashy reality TV? I have my back alley!

So what have we learned today? If you converse in or around an alley someone is always listening. Take that shit inside people!